Thursday, October 8, 2009


Phaily McPhailey. I hate myself for this lack of control. Ate far Far FAR too much today, and feel absolutely horrible. Giving up my ABC, and fasting for the rest of this week.

I've decided to be lazy and pro-active, if that makes sense. Like, instead of sitting around all day doing nothing, feeling sorry for myself, I'm going to get a hobby. And by that, I mean, increase my awareness of fashion, etc. It's what I'll be studying next year, and I can't wait. So, Saturday, when I don't think I'll be doing anything, I'm going to alter some pants I don't wear into pants I will wear. But, I'm only going to start when I get hungry. So that, instead of doing it, and finishing and then bingeing the rest of the day for lack of anything better to do, I'll just chill until I feel like I want to eat something that I'll obviously regret after, and do it then.

Presto, problem solved. I hope.

On Tuesday I'm going into town to book my train tickets to go to London in November, and I'm going to buy some sketch books. I figure, if I constantly have a book around to scribble in, it can only help, right? Sometimes words just won't do it.

I've been reading and commenting on some peoples journals, I hope they don't mind. I struggled with Ana when I was about 13-15, and ate maybe ... five meals a week. I hated eating, being fat, I learned to hide it well. I was at the doctors a lot at the time, for a different reason, and he put me on a meal plan and steroids, and all sorts of things that made me gain, that my parents made me follow to the letter. I started using food as a substitute for everything else. I've struggled with compulsive overeating ever since. I just bounced from one extreme to the other.

So when I give out advice, as a non skinny person, don't think I'm just making stuff up. Cause everything I say, I used to do. At my smallest, I weighed about 38 kilos (85 lbs). I know weigh 58 (130 lbs).

Right now, to lose weight, I've decided, I'm just on a water fast, with a multi-vitamin, and a food supplement, and possibly one piece of brown toast per day. Thats my plan till Monday.

I will do well. I don't want to be the Fat Friend anymore.

More later, I'm sure.

Love to you all, and blessings.



  1. I think activities are a great way to keep your mind off food. At least i find that it's the easiest to binge when you're bored, so keeping yourself busy sounds like a great idea. Plus, you're doing something productive, and that's always a good thing (I tend to be a major work-a-holic:P)
    Good luck with your fast and thanks for commenting!